Saturday, February 11, 2006

Befuddled BlogScoop: Vegetarian Hunters Threaten New Cartoon War

It was reported yesterday that a rare German hunting gun that may have belonged to Adolf Hitler sold for just over $140,000 in an online auction. The combination shotgun/rifle would have been worth around $7,000 under normal circumstances; so apparently someone (or, given the nature of auctions, several someones) thinks that the claim of previous ownership is credible.

Something about this story triggered my finely-tuned bloggerly instincts: something was odd. I set the matter aside and proceeded with my Friday routine, which seems to involve a good bit of hectic running about for little discernable purpose. Then, while I waited for my turn at the supermarket meat counter, it came to me: Hitler was a vegetarian!

The idea of a vegetarian hunter is, most will admit, a rather odd one; after all, hunting, in its primal form, is supposed to be about putting food on the table. But then, as I continued to stroll along the supermarket’s aisles (it may have been as I passed the breakfast cereals; I recall receiving an accusatory glare from the Trix bunny) I had yet another revelation: Hitler wasn’t the only eccentric hunter of his day; Bugs Bunny’s nemesis Elmer Fudd was also a vegetarian!

The apparent coincidence smelled fishy to me – although it may have been the sea-bass fillets, now that I think about it. Regardless of the source of my nasal discomfort, I proceeded to conduct some inquiries upon my return to the Mideast Musings Research Center. It was a matter of mere minutes to ascertain that Adolf Hitler and Elmer Fudd had never been seen together. I kept digging.

After some exhaustive (and exhausting) historical research, I uncovered the bizarre and shocking truth: Elmer Fudd and Adolf Hitler were one and the same person! I have not yet managed to elucidate all the details of this seemingly impossible double life; and yet I have documentary proof that the enthusiastic yet ineffectual hunter of harmless (albeit sarcastic) rabbits and ducks was also the genocidal tyrant who became our era’s leading icon of evil.

adolf_fudd

“Elmer Fudd” in a rare candid photograph taken during rehearsal – before the make-up artists and hairstylists had finished the job of disguising the Fuehrer as a cuddly outdoorsman. “He could not bear to eat meat, because it meant the death of a living creature. He refused to have so much as a rabbit… sacrificed to provide his food.” (Léon Degrelle, The Enigma of Hitler)



Was it naïve to fall for Fudd’s fatuous false front? Perhaps. Looking back on my childhood, I feel a sense of personal failure in not having unmasked the Great White (!) Hunter way back then. If nothing else, that speech impediment should have awakened my suspicions – it was too obviously designed to cover up something. And in retrospect, it’s painfully obvious that Fudd’s publication of a book of Haiku shows an influence from his wartime alliance with the Japanese.

*          *          *


Having written the above, I’m aware that my revelations may ignite yet another cartoon-instigated Kulturkampf. If rampaging mobs of Warner Bros. cartoon fans start setting fire to stuff and threatening to behead “Wascally Iswaelis” who defame the Great Fudd, I suppose you can blame me. ‘Twas ever thus: those who speak the truth sometimes upset the applecart.

pig_squeeler
A Frenchman Speaks Out – the original photograph that (as a grainy photocopy) helped spark riots throughout the Muslim world when Danish Islamic leaders claimed that it was one of the cartoons published by the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten. According to the Associated Press, the photograph had nothing to do with Islam or the Prophet Mohammed; someone, apparently, was telling a porky.*




*“Porky” (short for “Porky Pie”) is Cockney rhyming slang for a lie. See here for a comprehensive Cockney-to-English lexicon.

(This post can also be found at the Guns and Butter Blog.)

Categories: , , , , .

3 Comments:

At Sun Feb 12, 10:56:00 AM GMT+2, Blogger muse said...

Love it, really great post!

 
At Wed Feb 15, 12:20:00 AM GMT+2, Anonymous Mother-in-Law said...

You have a very strange mind. Comes from being married to that
Vaguely sinister Wife, I suspect, who is no doubt up to no good even as I write.
Vaguely Confused Mother-in-Law

 
At Thu Nov 10, 08:19:00 PM GMT+2, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol..what a funny picture
application integration services

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home